I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
