Betty ford says i'm here all night
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
