Kareoke will never be a sober sport
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
false alarm, still single
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
