I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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