My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
