I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
