so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
