if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
