I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
