we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
