Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
