How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
