I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
