Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Randomize
