I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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