Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
