She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
