I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
