My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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