she looked like the before picture.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
