I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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