So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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