Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
