You can't motorboat a personality
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
