Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
