Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
