I'm laying in your front yard are you home
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
