fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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