Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
