Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
