if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
