you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
