but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
