And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
