it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
