I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
