she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
