dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
