I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
