I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
