Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
