Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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