we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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