I'm sorry my penis didn't work
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
