Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
