No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
