I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
