Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
