We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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