did you get engaged???
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
