I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Of course I have a pirate flag
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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