3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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