OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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