Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
